I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
