Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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