I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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