Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
