She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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