I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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