Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
