Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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