On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize