he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
