i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
