if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
