sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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