I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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