community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
