It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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