TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize