why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
