Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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