i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
my liver is dry heaving
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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