dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
