i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
