I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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