My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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