was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
where does the pee come out of this thing
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
