oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
