new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
