she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
