If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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