I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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