: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
