Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
