No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
