My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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