tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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