Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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