You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
