you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
