So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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