Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
