brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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