Tell her she can't have a vagina
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
