didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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