The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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