my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
