Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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