you would pick up someone in the library
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
