my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
