my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
