Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You dont lie about slip and slides
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize