I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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