This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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