Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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