Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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