I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
