Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
