Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
