my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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