we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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