I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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