Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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