That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
