i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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