I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
