Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize