Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
