ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
