Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize