Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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