I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
