which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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