you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
