I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
