I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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