We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
