how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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