Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
