why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
