I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
