Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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