I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
