i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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