Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
