I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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