Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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