Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
