Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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