Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
