It's Friday. Sex?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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