We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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