Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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