also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
