In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
