her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
