Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
