she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
