At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
