A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
