I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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