I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
