careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
This house was built for laser tag.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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