Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Randomize
