the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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