I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
