I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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